I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize