Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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