I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize