Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do herpes really smell.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize