how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize