cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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