I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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