She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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