Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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