I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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