It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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