I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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