I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize