The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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