All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize