At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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