I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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