this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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