Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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