So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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