Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize