Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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