i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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