i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize