when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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