can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize