It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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