when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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