Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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