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I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
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