my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its about making memories worth repressing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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