And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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