So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never underestimate the power of titties
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