she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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