I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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