im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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