We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize