i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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