I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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