How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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