i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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