So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
as a side note pls kill me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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