literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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