Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize