i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize