We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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