I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize