Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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