It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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