I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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